She’s burning up with a fever tonight – cheeks flushed because that front tooth is coming in and my skin aches with the heat of her.
That first flutter of her, before I ever saw her face, before I ever felt her breath on my skin, before I ever discovered that dimple below her lower lip – God knew her; right there, underneath my heart, in the dark of me, He was forming her, knitting her together. Her heart started to beat because He called her into existence and before I ever knew her, He did.
And not just her, not just the four that surround me and the one already in His presence, He knew me in the same way. Before I ever breathed earth’s air He was forming my lungs and He knew me intimately. Before I ever knew of my need for Him, He was already in pursuit.
I think of those quiet thoughts, those flutterings of dreams and what could be? The wondering of what is changing and growing inside of me, what He is birthing out of the dark of me…How He is forming beauty out of the ashes of my sin and I don’t see it fully quite yet.
Dreams that are still prenatal, still being knit together and hidden below the heartbeat of who He created me to be. I am expanding with the unknown while He knows the outcome intimately.
I don’t have to be carried by the waves of restlessness, turning green over the constant tossing of contentment and fear. The One Who calms the waters and the emotions cups the timing of the birth in His Hands.
He is God and the One Who touched stars and held the sun and hovered over the empty void and made everything out of nothing – He makes something out of the nothingness of me. Why? Why would the Holy come near to the unworthy and the unholy? Because of love. Because of grace. Because I needed a Rescuer and before I even knew what He had done, He had already rescued.
He knew me before I ever was, He knows each dream that is still fluttering new and hidden. Each space is sacred that He invites me into and I enter into Holy ground because He is there. And adoration becomes more than just words prayed back to Him – it becomes the song that winds through my days, drawing my heart closer to His – closer to the One Who formed me in the dark.